Wow. I have so much to write about. We've been extremely busy moving and are finally all moved into our house. We're not unpacked or organized but we're moved in. I'll write in a later post about some of the uh... adventures we've had.
Right now it feels like war of the worlds. Last weekend was our weekend with Breann. Everything was AMAZING Friday and Saturday. Then came Sunday. She wanted to go do something that would cost around $50 and since I'm the one that handles the finances I was the "bad guy" for not letting her do it. ALL DAY she glared at me and if I was in the room she would leave and go in another. THEN she told Scott that I was treating her like a slave. Um... last I checked chores...and VERY FEW at that was not slavery. In fact it's called helping out and being part of a family.
I'm slightly more than irritated. I really don't want to be upset with her. I'm just not sure what to do at this point. Sigh... This step mom thing is hard. :(
I have a step son that is 5, I don't know how old your stepdaughter is- or the custody arrangements. When we were first together he had minimal custody, then it went to joint and now we have maximum custody. It's all just and adjustment game. You're a new "parent" in her life and she will test her boundaries with you. The best thing will be for your husband to stand up for you and let her know he supports every decision you make for/with her. She will stop trying to "get you in trouble behind your back" when she knows communication is open and there are no secrets between daddy and her and you're all one big family-open communication. Everyone we know has complimented us on how much better my stepson acts now that he is with us for the majority of the time. We were the bad guys at one time for being strict, and setting up boundaries and enforcing consequences but now everyone thinks he's a much better behaved boy and we get to do more fun things and he knows he's behaving better and is happy that everyone notices. Sorry for the spiel--- basically communication, trust and consistency!! Those are key, you're not the bad person- you just used responsible judgment to make the decision against the expensive activity. Explain it to her in terms she would understand at her age- it could be a good learning opportunity. We've talked to our little one about money and now he'll say oh look at that toy- but I don't need it... And he helps cut and hold coupons to use at the grocery store. Never too early! She'll thank you one day, stand strong! :)
ReplyDeleteI don't know how much help I'll be, but here's my two cents. Since I, too handle the finances, sometimes I'm the bad guy with my husband. Just wait it out, she'll get over it. She's a teenager, right? Mom or Step-Mom it doesn't matter, she's gonna give you 'tude now and then. Just show her your love and hope the good days outweigh the bad. :)
ReplyDeleteYeah... It's tough. She's 13 so I feel like I'm fighting an up hill battle. We see her every Wednesday and every other weekend so it's not a lot. I love her to death but in all honesty it would be so much easier if she were younger.
ReplyDeleteThanks Mandy. That does help. I guess I just feel all alone on things like this.
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